lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize