Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
