I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
