Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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