Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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