That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
