i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
