So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
