I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
