get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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