I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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