I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize