He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I need moral support for this bender
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
