I met the friendliest cop last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
