watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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