If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
