Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
