I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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