Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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