He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
