I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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