ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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