Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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