I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
