I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
