Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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