Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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