all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
