ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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