He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
