I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
