why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
