I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
