you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
