I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize