I wish my penis had an off switch
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
