I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The adults are the big ones right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
