thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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