i jhust puked up my retainher.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
