I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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