Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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