i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
