god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
