He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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