I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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