Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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