She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
