its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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