So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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