I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
