Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
