No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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