I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
