i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
