i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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