New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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