im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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