Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
