Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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