this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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