my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
