i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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