I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
