tell your sister to shave her snatch
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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