Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
