as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
