The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
