Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
