Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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