but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
