I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
