I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We need to feng shui this bitch.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
