...so i touched it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
