i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
