so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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