come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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