90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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