Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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