i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
