You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
whose ass print is on the piano?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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