You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
