We're facebook friends in real life
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
this is an emotional support booty call
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
