did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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