Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I need to calm my uterus...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
