Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
