Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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