And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
porn star boner night. come get it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize