You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
