saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
