do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
