thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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