I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
