I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
