Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
