let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
