so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm at about main and main street
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
