do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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