I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
