Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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