Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
