I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
