Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
