I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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