i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize