He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
