Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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