i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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